Nostalgia.

I started typing that I'd spent my Saturday night home, alone for some part when I realised it was a Friday night that I'd just wasted away. I'm such a bum who has little to nothing to do to the extent that I don't even know what day it is.
It's times like this that I miss school so very much. The papers, projects, exams and even the stress. I know how much this contradicts a post way back in March of 2008 where I said,

I

CAN'T

WAIT

TO

BE

DONE

WITH

SCHOOL.

I WANT TO BE A PENGUIN WITH A FLAT HAT! I WANT! I WANT! I WANT! 
NOW!                

but I can't help myself. What did I know, I was years younger and didn't realise that being done with school didn't automatically put me where I wanted to be after I was done with school. Before I finished my last final, before I excitedly turned in my Animal Behaviour paper beaming that I was no longer an undergrad, I didn't have to make quite so many choices. My path was laid out for me, I needed to complete a number of classes before I could graduate, I needed to take certain Psychology classes and I didn't have very many electives to waste away. I needed to go to school for an attendance grade and I needed to turn in papers before the deadline to avoid a penalty. How did I think these things were hard? Now that I'm done with those things, I have to choose. Do I want to go back to school? Do I want to start working?
If I want to go back to school, can I afford it? Which school do I go to? Do I go to a school here or back in the States? Which choice is most beneficial to Mummy, Keiran and myself?
If I want to go to work, what do I want to do? Where do I start looking for a job? Aren't jobs hard to come by now?
Suddenly choosing between two difficult essay topics seems like so much more fun. I suppose the grass is always greener and all that. It's just so exhausting to think about. And it's so much heavier and scarier than silly thoughts like Project 10 Pan. The thought of it almost knocks the air out of my chest and it really does feel like I'm being pushed into the ground with all these heavy thoughts weighing me down. Suppose that's why I hate dwelling on them, it really is almost like a physical pain.
I have a Polish song that a friend sent me a long time ago on repeat because Keiran wanted to hear it as he slept. It's quite lovely, this song. I can't remember what the words mean anymore but I remember all the feelings I associate to it. It's from the time of MU madness where I'd be up all night on Ventrilo talking to Evil and Dominik till they went to sleep. It's from a time where I lived across the world, in a room across from Keiran and Ana's. It's only been a few years but it feels like forever ago.
I find myself thinking back upon different points of my life of late. From the times in secondary school, to the number of afternoons I spent in Orchard people watching with Punitha or 'fishing' with Jenny. From being in the States with Ana and Keiran for the first time, meeting Jonny for the first time when I got back, to the time with Keiran, Mummy and Ana when we went back. Nostalgia, quite lovely really.